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Single Parenting

From One Single Parent

to Another...

Helpful tips to help you survive

as a single parent

1. Take a Parenting Class

This may seem inconsequential, but parenting classes can significantly help to alleviate stress by teaching you valuable skills. 

 

I should know...I was pulling my hair out.  Then I took the 16 week parenting class by Incredible Years Sponsored by Kidscope here in Chapel Hill. Training or Retraining my brain was a huge challenge, because it made me realize how much I was leaving to chance. We can't control everything that affects our children's lives, but we can equip ourselves with enough knowledge to give them a chance at a better childhood.

"Disney Dad"

Another big challenge I faced was their fathers idea of good parenting.  We were at opposite ends of the spectrum were parenting was concerned.  I was the enforcer and he was...well the true definition of the word 'Disney Dad'.  A Disney Parent actually has a legal Definition: “A noncustodial parent who indulges his or her child with gifts and good times during visitation and leaves most or all disciplinary responsibilities to the other parent.” 

"Pretty soon their depression...

turned to anger"

When the kids came home on a Sunday evening they would be all hyper from Candy-lunch.  They would have a new toy or three and before he left he would get them all excited about their next weekend with him.  When he left, their excitement would turn to depression, "You mean we have to wait a whole week before we had fun again?"  Pretty soon their depression turned to anger and then to disrespect and fighting with each other, which lead to shouting matches, back talking and mean looks. (I've been there and you're not alone)

If you weren't already struggling with your own insecurities, anxieties and stresses that follow you as an individual, this would be the icing on the cake.  That's why taking these parenting classes will be your savior.  Not only do you have guidance for your daily troubles, but you have a group of parents and counselors who can help calm your fears and anxieties while you work through it all.  Everyone may take away something different from this class.  I may not be able to control what their father does, but I am able to change how I react and deal with these challenges, which makes all the difference.  (It's okay, you can relax, other parents from all walks of life experience these challenges and more, so the best move you can make is to sign up for a class as soon as you can. You will save yourself facial stress lines, gray hairs and even sleepless nights).

2. Find a Mental Health Therapist

What?

"There's nothing wrong with me!

I can handle the stress!"

"I'm not at all phased by my new status as a single parent, in fact,

I've always dreamt of becoming a single mother". 

Said...no one...ever.

The transition to single parenthood can be a welcome, overdue and happy event, but it does have it's really tough moments and a therapist is impartial and offers unbiased opinions and advice. They can help connect the dots and give you the support you need without the drama.

"What if my friends find out"?

I can 99.99% assure you that you will be ahead of the game by enlisting the help of a therapist.  You should consider yourself privileged to have a therapist if you decide to employ one.  Why? Because you would have realized that winging it leaves too many things up to chance.

 thought I hope you find these resources helpful

3. Fix Your Credit or File For Bankruptcy

A show of hands if you were thought 

valuable Money Management lessons growing up?

The Department of Education has forbidden/banned the teaching of money management in schools to keep the middle class and poor families at a healthy dumbed-down level.

Yes I said it.  In fact, if you were not privileged to learn these lessons from a successfully wealthy parent, friend or relative then you're flying blind. (The rich get richer?)

So I'd be remiss if I didn't share with you these tools so you have a fighting chance the 2nd or 3rd time around.  And I'm guessing for most people bankruptcy is in the same category as getting a therapist? But as a fact, most debtors start receiving new credit card offers shortly after they receive their bankruptcy discharge. 

Going through a divorce, job loss, medical illness, depression, recession or other disabilities can be the end of financial stability for many.  You had every intention of paying your bills and living up to your end of the bargain.  But life hasn't been so predictable. As a single mother, you especially do not have the support of a spouse during these terrible life events.

 

But you have options. A friend of mine shared their story with me last year and I'd like to share it with you. Based on your situation, decide which route is best for you. Credit Repair or Bankruptcy.

CREDIT REPAIR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BANKRUPTCY

 

Legalzooms take on "Life After Bankruptcy"

https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/life-after-bankruptcy-get-back-on-your-feet-after-filing-chapter-7

Visit this link for assistance with filing bankruptcy in NC:

https://upsolve.org/nc/#complete-the-bankruptcy-forms

Visit this link for assistance with preparing your bankruptcy:

https://onestopbankruptcycenter.securedataflow.com/Default.aspx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Child Care/Food Stamps/Medicaid/Phone Service

The Department of Social Services are a great resources for single parents

Your household can receive a food allowance, medical insurance coverage and for those who need it child care vouchers/assistance. Once you have been accepted into a medicaid or food stamps program, you may then qualify for a free phone and free service with Safelink Wireless or Assurance Wireless.

 

 

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At this point you begin the 5 stages of grief process:

1.  Denial

2.  Anger

3.  Bargaining

4.  Depression

5.  Acceptance

Child Support

1st thing you do is file for child support

 

Food Stamps

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Court Procedures

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Daycare Vouchers

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Legal Aid

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Therapy

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Located at:

121 South Estes Drive Suite 203B

Chapel Hill, NC 27514

(See directions map)